


Of Loss and Smiles

by Schmoogles



Category: Boruto, Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: Childbirth, Children, Dead Sakura AU, Death, F/M, Family, Hinata - Freeform, I made myself sad, Lemon, Love, Multi, Sakura - Freeform, Sakura's death, Sarada - Freeform, SasuSaku - Freeform, Sasuke - Freeform, naruto - Freeform, well slight lemon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23191921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmoogles/pseuds/Schmoogles
Summary: Sasuke wrestles with his grief stemming from Sakura's unexpected death and the chance at still having a child with her.AU, as Sakura is not dead. Slight lemon in the middle.
Relationships: Naruto Uzumaki/Hinata Hyuuga, Naruto Uzumaki/Hinata Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha/Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha/Sakura Uchiha
Comments: 13
Kudos: 71





	Of Loss and Smiles

Sakura is dead.

The phrase sits awkwardly in Sasuke’s mouth, it doesn’t feel natural or possible or comprehensible.

But Sakura is dead. Her body is right in front of him. She’s not breathing.

Sakura is dead. Deceased. Never going to wake up again. She will never laugh again, never breathe again, never smile again, oh god how he loves that smile.

Loved. He loved that smile. No, he thinks rather numbly, he still does.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing in the morgue of Konoha’s hospital. The same hospital his lover works at. Worked at.

The lights are brutally fluorescent, the walls are blindingly white, and the air is thick with the smell of chemicals. It makes him feel like he’s going to be sick. 

“Uchiha-san…” a voice quietly pipes behind him. Sasuke does not take his eyes off of his wife. He cannot look away from her pink hair. Was she growing it out? It looks longer than before he left. 

“Y-You need to leave now, I’m afraid. And there’s another matter....” The mousy nurse says, nervously fidgeting with a button on her scrub jacket.

The shirt Sakura’s wearing, he hasn’t seen it before. Is it new? It’s been two months since he’s been home. She probably went shopping sometime between him leaving and coming back. She was trying to get him to go with her to the shops but it wasn’t really his thing. He would always say he could use that time for training but, “Maybe next time.”

“Uchiha-san, please.” The nurse whispers apologetically.

“Mata kondo na.” The phrase echoes through his head. 

A hand is gently pulling on his forearm but he can’t be bothered to acknowledge it. He stares at his wife.

“Mata kondo na.” It’s getting louder. Empty promises.

His wife is dead.

He wasn’t home.

“Mata kondo na.”

There won’t be a next time.  
. . . 

That night, he levels nearly an acre of forest, he breaks three knuckles, screams himself hoarse, cries himself dehydrated when the shock wears off.

Naruto is only able to drag him home once he is unconscious from overexertion.

. . . 

Six months go by and Sasuke feels like he’s moving in slow motion, like he’s wading through molasses. When he lays in bed at night, he hugs Sakura’s shirts to his chest. They’re starting to lose her scent

When Naruto comes over one afternoon, his brow furrows in concern at the state of the apartment. There is a thin layer of dust collected on all of the furniture. The couch is where he sleeps because he can’t bring himself to straighten the sheets that were still rumpled from the last night Sakura slept in their shared bed. The bags under his eyes confirm this fact, as do the blankets and pillow thrown haphazardly on the adjacent recliner.

“Teme, you…” Naruto starts but realizes he doesn’t know what to say. The lack of tidiness is completely uncharacteristic of Sasuke and the majority of the house is seemingly untouched since the day Sakura left it. Like a shrine.

Naruto straightens his back and puts on his best reassuring smile. “Let’s go for a walk. I have something to talk to you about."

. . .

The former teammates walk the streets of Konoha side by side, a comfortable silence between them. There are children running through the streets, elderly women engaged in a riveting game of shogi on the stoop of a home, proud new Chunin baring their freshly earned flak jackets for the world to see. It is a stark reminder that life goes on, people carry on with whatever it is they do. While someone else’s world feels like it’s ending, someone else may feel like theirs just beginning.

Sasuke feels himself glowering at this. It was not too long ago that he was beginning his marriage with Sakura, back when they had plans, so many plans. But duty calls. And sometimes that duty leaves someone dead.

The Uchiha doesn’t even realize they’ve made it to the graveyard until Naruto is standing in front of him, something glistening in his eye. 

“Tsunade baa-chan came to me recently with something important.” Naruto says, pulling Sasuke from his daze. “It’s about Sakura-chan.”

Sasuke’s breath hitches and he says nothing. Naruto continues carefully, “You know how she was about all that sciencey medical stuff, she was super passionate, you know? And she was really good at it too. She was honestly way smarter than both of us -”

“Naruto, what is it?” Sasuke cuts in harsher than he intends.  
After a moment, Naruto sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Sakura-chan took certain precautions before she passed away.” His face grows serious. “She froze her eggs, Sasuke. So that just in case, you guys could have a kid.”

Sasuke feels a painful thrum in his chest and a surge of confusion. He and Sakura had been discussing the prospect of having a child just mere weeks before he had left the last time. 

Naruto continues carefully, “I spoke to Tsunade baa-chan. It’s apparently very easy. They take her eggs and some of your...you know...and they put ‘em together and they can put them into someone else.” He pauses, the discomfort evident on his face. “Look. I don’t understand the science stuff, but I’ll cut to the chase. If you ever want to have a kid, Sakura’s kid, then Hinata said she’s willing to be a surrogate. There’s no pressure, but I want you to keep it in mind...okay?”

Sasuke doesn’t respond because he doesn’t know how. Part of him wants to scream and demand how anyone could expect him to bring a child into the world who would never know their mother. But there’s a dim flame of something reminiscent to hope growing in his heart. He doesn’t know what to feel.

When he parts ways with Naruto later, he staggers into his apartment, clutching his chest. After trying to keep it together and maintain his neutral facade, he cracks. He curses all of the gods above for putting him in this impossible situation. He curses Sakura for leaving him all alone. He curses himself because he was never present when she was still here. 

Tiredly plopping on the couch, he makes eye contact with a framed photo of him and Sakura on their wedding day. He tries to will away the tears threatening at the corners of his eyes and lets out a shaky breath.

“What should I do, Sakura?”

He falls asleep staring at a picture of his wife happily tucked beside him on the happiest day of their lives, imagining what their lives could have been, wishing that it was all just a bad dream.  
. . . 

Days later, Sasuke shows up at Naruto’s office, bags under his eyes from lack of sleep.  
“I want to do it. I want a child.”

. . .

Sasuke finds himself sitting on an examination table in the hospital. The last time he was in this place was when he was identifying his wife’s body. Before he can think more about the painful memory, he hears a soft knock at the door. It clicks open and a nurse comes in, bowing her head. “Uchiha-sama.”

She approaches him, grasping a large paper bag in one hand and a plastic specimen cup in the other. She is an older woman, stout with graying hair tied neatly in a bun. Her disposition is serious as she passes him the cup.

“In this bag are magazines in order to...prepare you and your body. When you’re ready, make sure you ejaculate into this cup. Take all the time you need.” Her words lack any embarrassment or discomfort and Sasuke can’t help but be grateful for this fact. The nurse pauses before she exits the room, shooting the young man a sympathetic smile. “Sakura-sensei was truly one of a kind. We all had infinite respect for her in this hospital. I’m grateful that a piece of her will live on. The world needs more people like her.” 

The door clicks shut and Sasuke is left alone with a plastic cup in hand and a brown paper bag seated next to him. He peers inside and is faced with pornographic magazines, images of women with their legs spread wide with eyes that try too hard to be alluring. He closes the bag and sighs. Sasuke has never been fond of porn and rarely feels sexually attracted to anyone. Sakura was his exception.

The truth of the matter was that Sasuke had his own personal archive of porn in his brain, as shameful as it sounded. His sharingan is capable of capturing moments that he deems worthy. The Uchiha shuts his eyes and begins to recall a specific memory. 

. . .

_Sasuke had just returned from a mission, tiredly stepping out of his ninja sandals at the entryway of his apartment. This mission had been only two weeks long, but it was particularly physically and emotionally tasking. A village had been razed by rogue shinobi. Adults and children alike were cut down in their home and the ground was saturated with the blood of innocents. It hit a little too close to home for Sasuke, who had witnessed the massacre of his clan as a small child._

_He sighed and tugged his cloak off, padding into the bedroom as quietly as he could. Much to his surprise, Sakura was awake in bed, brow furrowed in concentration as she pored over a medical text. He glanced at the alarm clock. “Sakura.”_

_His wife startled. “Sasuke-kun.” she muttered in surprise, closing the book in her lap._

_“It’s three in the morning. Why aren’t you asleep?”_

_Sakura blushed in response, averting her eyes. “We have a really complicated case at the hospital, so I was brushing up on some of the possible treatments. And, well, I guess I-”_

_“Expected me to come home?” Sasuke finished, quirking an eyebrow._

_“Well,” Sakura hesitated in embarrassment, “yes.”_

_Sasuke let out a huff of something akin to amusement and Sakura opened her mouth in protest, only to let out a squeak of surprise when Sasuke shunshin-ed to her side. He knelt down and leaned his face into the crook of her shoulder, breathing in her familiar scent and warmth._

_“Did something happen?” Sakura asked quietly, running a hand through her husband’s hair. She only received a grunt of confirmation in response.  
Her gaze softened as Sasuke wrapped his arm around her waist. “Let’s get you in the shower, ne?”_

\--

_Sasuke walked out of the bathroom, wearing only a fresh pair of boxers and a towel draped across his shoulders, his hair still damp from the shower. Sakura smiled at him, crossing the room. Her arms wrapped around his abdomen, nuzzling her face into his back. “I’m glad you’re home, Sasuke-kun.”_

_“Aa.” He responded, placing his hand atop Sakura’s. They stood like this for several moments, appreciating their closeness before Sakura quietly whispered, “Sasuke-kun?”_

_The Uchiha turned his head to look back at his wife, an questioning look._

_“Can I touch you?”_

_He felt his cheeks burn at the question. “...Yes.”_

_Sasuke had to suppress a shudder as Sakura’s hands moved down his abdomen and slipped beneath his waistband. She pressed gentle kisses to his shoulder as her hands dove deeper until they reached the beginning of his member. He let out a shaky breath as Sakura began working him from behind, her hands moving the length of his cock as he grew harder. He let out little pants as Sakura’s motions became faster. “Sakura.” He gritted out, shutting his eyes and willing himself not to curse._

_“Sasuke-kun.” Sakura whispered behind him, continuing to pump. Sasuke let out a small moan in response, earning a smug grin from his wife. “I love you.” She whispered, peppering soft kisses along his back. “Now I want you to cum for me.”_  
….  
Sasuke gasped as he snapped back to reality, shamefully eying the specimen cup in his hand. His heart thudded with a dull ache, the typical euphoria of release squashed by the harsh reality in front of him. The reality of a world without his wife.

He leaves the hospital with a strange hope in his chest.  
…  
After nine months of excruciating waiting, of being uncharacteristically interested in Hinata’s well-being, of throwing himself into training to distract himself from his anxieties, a baby is born on a Spring day.

Sarada is born in the morning and Sasuke’s eyes are wide with wonder, shock, and apprehension as the newborn is placed into his arms. He stares down at her little face, which is undoubtedly Uchiha given her long black lashes, obsidian eyes, and trademark raven hair. Sasuke feels his heart clench when his daughter scrunches her face together in a look that is undoubtedly her mother’s. Her lips, her cheeks, and the feeling her spirit exudes all come from her mother. 

Naruto caresses Hinata’s cheek, the two beaming with happiness at each other before watching Sasuke hold his daughter. “Naruto-kun,” Hinata begins, her voice still weak from childbirth, “I’m so happy for Sasuke-kun.”

“You did great, Hinata.” Naruto beams, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Sasuke turns slightly towards the pair, his face covered by his hair. “Thank you.” he says in almost a whisper. Naruto thinks he can make out a stray tear trailing down Sasuke’s face but doesn’t mention it.

…

Five years later, Sasuke sits at a picnic bench in the Uzumakis’ backyard. Hinata is carrying a tray of sliced apples, Naruto sits to Sasuke’s side, and Sarada chases Boruto through the yard with Himawari cheering her on. The children are having a make-believe ninja battle, complete with clumsy hand-signs and mispronounced jutsu names.

The next generation, Sasuke thinks, may surpass his own. It makes the corner of his mouth quirk up ever so slightly, watching his daughter as she laughs and plays in the spring air. A stray cherry blossom petal drifts through the air past Sasuke’s face and lands at Sarada’s feet. She looks down at the petal at her feet and then back at her father.“Papa!” she beams as she runs towards him, wrapping her little arms around his stomach. “I love you, Papa.” 

“Aa. I love you too.” He responds, patting her hair. “Should we visit your Mama?”

“Mhm!” Sarada responds earnestly. “We should get her pretty flowers too!”

“Of course.” He responds, taking her hand as they bid goodbye to the Uzumaki family and head to the graveyard.

They arrive at Sakura’s headstone and Sarada excitedly gushes over all of the things she’s learning at school, talks about how Boruto is annoying but a good friend, talks about the cookies she decorated with Himawari and Hinata last weekend, and how cool her Papa is.

Sasuke feels his heart swell as his little girl talks to a mother that she’s never met and never will. The sunset paints the sky orange and pink and the Uchiha stares up at two birds flying in tandem.

Sakura is dead. 

But he has a child with a feisty spirit and big eyes full of hope and light and love. She is strong and smart and everything that her mother once was and more. The child has her father’s wit, passion, and hair color. She has her mother’s kindness, bravery, and smile.

And oh, how he loves that smile.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic I've posted and I am a little scared. I've been sitting on this fic for a few months and my quarantine-induced boredom has influenced me to actually post it! Hope you enjoy!


End file.
